Forgiveness & Restoration

We were having problems, we weren't perfect. I mean who is. Engaged longer than we could stand but still not ready. Constant arguments, fights, and our own rendition of Ike and Tina. We weren't ready but young and dumb we pressed on. He didn't like my friends but that much control I didn't give him, so angry about a night out on the town he took vengence into his own hands. Told me the next morning how the night before he let the smooth talk of another woman cause him to lose his footing. My heart dropped as my seemingly perfect world begin to crumble all at once. Couldn't believe that the man I thought I wanted to marry had hurt me, betrayed me, shamed me, and who eventually caused me to turn my back on God. See since the beginning of that year, my relationship with God had grown. Praying everyday and making sure to enter into His presence was like 2nd nature. I did it without pause. But when God decided to open my eyes to the seemingly obvious, instead of thanking Him, and showing my gratitude, I turned my back on Him. I became angry with God for showing me this. My prayer life ceased. I felt that if I continued to pray, that God would begin to reveal more hurtful things, and I didn't want to know. So I strayed, never praying, and when He would lay on my heart to pray, I'd turn on the television to quiet the voice. Eventually I took the betrayer back into my heart never blaming him again for his transgressions but still blaming God for allowing it to happen. Years passed and my relationship with God was never again where it once was. I struggled to make the commitment to Him that I once had, but something was always standing in my way. I often quote the scripture "Ye did run well, what did hinder you?" I could answer that question swiftly.
Things didn't get any better. I  was still unhappy and deep inside of me knew that this one was NOT my one. But how do you leave when you've turned your back on real love? So I stayed, put up with the lies, the anger, the inmaturity until one night my betrayer abandoned me, leaving me all alone in the darkness of the night. That was my breaking point. I couldn't understand why that man who I thought was suppose to protect and cover me left me to fight for myself that night. So 4 days later when I saw him again, I kindly handed him his rings, told him this was not working, and walked away.
It has taking me a long time to allow God to fully restore my hurt, pain, and transgression towards Him, but He has. Since I've let go and gave myself completely over to Him, restoration and revival has taking place within me and around me. Blessings and miracles seems to follow me where ever I go. He's given dreams and visions of the blessings He has in store for me if I stay on His path. I sit back sometimes and just remember how God saved me from a loveless marriage. He saved me from having to be yoked and connected to someone who was not apart of my NEXT, not apart of my destiny. And I've come to realize that just because there are people who cross your path, doesn't mean God intended them to walk the path with you. Sometime we have to learn how to say 'Hey" and Keep It Moving. It took time for restoration to take place. But it wasn't because I was waiting on God to restore, it was because God was waiting on me to accept the restoration that He had already given.
We all fall short of the glory, we aren't perfect, but we should be striving to be. Accept the restoration God has given. He has already forgiven us for turning our backs on Him, and blaming Him when He was only trying to help. Forgive yourself because God has already forgiven you.